It doesn't seem like a lot in numbers to me. Same length I was in high school and college and both flew by in a flash. I remember thinking at the end of those, it went too fast. I need more time. But there was no more time, it was the moment to go, to do more, to grow.
This is different. Somehow it feels like four years doesn't show how much I feel, how much we have gone through, how much we have done. Four seems degrading to how I feel. Four seems too little. I am not sure there is a number to stand for, "I can't remember life without you," "time is devided by before Bobby and after marriage," nothing explains how we were bonded after simply saying I Do, by the moments after the accident, by two babies in 22 months.
I guess that is marriage though. Days do not define it, years only hold scope to it but don't declare how meaningful it is. Marriage is something unique to marriage. No past relationship, boyfriends, girlfriends or slumber paries can compare to it. It is beautiful, crazy, and makes you thank and seek God every day.
I remember being a newlywed and being annoyed that Bobby was still being nice. He still told me he loved me and I was beautiful every morning. I wondered when it would stop. When he would just be him. I realized I picked fights just to see how he fought, he wouldn't. I sought God to battle my thoughts if I was normal and to show me how to be a Godly, loving wife. He did.
Married Feb 20th, we had not know each other a year when we said I do. We met the previous year in April, first date in May, said "I love you" by June, engaged by September and married in February.We knew immediately we were who God had paired together. Bobby was everything I needed but nothing I understood. He was quiet, thoughtful, and patient. I am loud, really LOUD, quick to speak, slow to listen, and a bit spontaneous on my own. Yeah, the dream girl I know, and he was in love with me. He was handsome, had a testimony of Jesus's love in his life and was not my kind of funny, nor I his, but I couldnt stop laughing and smiling around him. I still can't. He still says I am not funny. Some things we agree to disagree on. Lol.
The first year is not a blur as I hear most couples say. The first year I can describe ever moment, every detail, the joy, pain, the overwhelming-consuming fear, heartbreak, agony,and the triumph. The first anniversary was not only a celebration of marriage but simply survival, overcoming, God's glory in our life and the life we would bring into it the upcoming September.
Nothing has been as crazy as our first year. Nothing has been as painful and I pray it never will be again. We are not without trials but they are all in perspective to that year. We know God's power, our families support, how deep our love and what we can and will do for one another or won't allow (he won't le me floss his teeth, lol). I often say that first year we experienced what a married of 50 years is. Guess that is why the numbers don't add up. How our love is thicker, deeper, wider, longer than the number four.
I wonder if God looks down on me and feels the same way about his love toward me.
Bobby Clary, thanks for choosing me, loving me, accepting me marrying me and being my favorite husband!