3 months later ...
I have yet to post much lately. Honestly, it is because I am not sure what to say or think, or if I say it aloud, then maybe it is real. Again, the uncertainty has paralyzed me. In January I felt pretty amazing. Around eight weeks out, when I should have originally returned to work, I understood why they told you to wait till 8 weeks for your recovery. My mind was growing clearer, my wound was starting to not hurt nearly as bad, and I felt an energy I had not experienced in so long. It was fantastic. I was productive at work, able to process and plan in ways I had forgotten I could do. Then February came. I am not sure if it was the incidental accident of me hitting my head early in the month or if it would have happened anyway but pain became the thing that consumed me for the entire month. A new kind of pain, bone pain, nerve pain, and maybe a pain I still am not sure how to describe. I could not lay on my head again, at least not on the back or right side. If someone or