Then there was marriage...

Then there was marriage...
WHERE IT ALL STARTED

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Upside Down In Love Crazy

I want to be that little girl again that sits and thinks about that Great Love all day, that when it walks by I swoon for simply being in the room.  I remember feeling that way about a few boys in my early childhood.  I would think about what they would say to me, how it would be if they would only see me for who I knew I was, if they would fall feet over head in love with me like I felt about them. My emotions were strong, they were not hidden.  Everyone from my parents, brothers, family members, friends, well, the whole school, including my crush knew I was crazy for them.  I can remember trying think how do I keep such passion from exploding out of me.  It consumed me.


Now I am an adult.  Not a child.  My Great Love in human form lays next to me each night and calls me beautiful each day. His love for me still puts me in awe each day.  I know God is real because of him, I know I am precious to God because of how he treats me.

BUT...

I still crave.   My early cravings in adolescence for love and friendship have morphed to craving the ONE TRUE GOD, Creator, Heaven Shaker, Human lover.  I want to know what he wants with me. What can I do for Him?  How can I be used to His fullest potential?  Will it fill this craving?  Will it change my world? What about the world of my boys and husband?

How do I follow his voice if I feel he is simply being silent? I do not feel he is not there, simply waiting to see if I will obey, but I am not totally sure the command.  I read recently on a picture post a quote.  Not sure who it is from but it feels like my situation.  The quote simply read, "The teacher is always silent during the test." YES!  This is how I feel.  I know he is near, I know he is watching but what am I testing.  Will I bless him or will I sadden him with my choice?  Does it matter what I do, as long as, I am trying to seek him and follow him?  Too many questions go through my head. I search his word but.... well, I am not sure.  Nothing seems to fit the situation like so many times when I have read something and BOOM, it felt like his audible voice speaking to that part of my heart that needed spoken to.

For now, I will wait patiently on the Lord, for he is good.

  • Psalms 27:14 (KJV)

    Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.



Sunday, November 16, 2014

To scratch a craving

My heart is craving for creativity, craving to be used to its full power, shout out to the universe my knowledge,  unknowing questions, to pound upon the sky and scream all my desperation but still I am here. Waiting. Waiting for the still small voice to call out and press me forward.

I know, I know, I have the task of raising my boys, of being as wife and mother. Oh how I love those jobs but I can not help that I was created for even more to be added. I want to glory in his glory by shining as he has equipt me.

I seek, I search, I dig and the answers all come up the same....not yet, stop, patient, almost, sit still. It is painful. It is hard. I know later I will reply the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers" over and over in my head as a thanks (I have done it so many times before) but nonetheless it is still hard.

Till God moves..