Upside Down In Love Crazy

I want to be that little girl again that sits and thinks about that Great Love all day, that when it walks by I swoon for simply being in the room.  I remember feeling that way about a few boys in my early childhood.  I would think about what they would say to me, how it would be if they would only see me for who I knew I was, if they would fall feet over head in love with me like I felt about them. My emotions were strong, they were not hidden.  Everyone from my parents, brothers, family members, friends, well, the whole school, including my crush knew I was crazy for them.  I can remember trying think how do I keep such passion from exploding out of me.  It consumed me.


Now I am an adult.  Not a child.  My Great Love in human form lays next to me each night and calls me beautiful each day. His love for me still puts me in awe each day.  I know God is real because of him, I know I am precious to God because of how he treats me.

BUT...

I still crave.   My early cravings in adolescence for love and friendship have morphed to craving the ONE TRUE GOD, Creator, Heaven Shaker, Human lover.  I want to know what he wants with me. What can I do for Him?  How can I be used to His fullest potential?  Will it fill this craving?  Will it change my world? What about the world of my boys and husband?

How do I follow his voice if I feel he is simply being silent? I do not feel he is not there, simply waiting to see if I will obey, but I am not totally sure the command.  I read recently on a picture post a quote.  Not sure who it is from but it feels like my situation.  The quote simply read, "The teacher is always silent during the test." YES!  This is how I feel.  I know he is near, I know he is watching but what am I testing.  Will I bless him or will I sadden him with my choice?  Does it matter what I do, as long as, I am trying to seek him and follow him?  Too many questions go through my head. I search his word but.... well, I am not sure.  Nothing seems to fit the situation like so many times when I have read something and BOOM, it felt like his audible voice speaking to that part of my heart that needed spoken to.

For now, I will wait patiently on the Lord, for he is good.

  • Psalms 27:14 (KJV)

    Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.



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