Brain Power

​I have typed this once and lost it.  I have thought about what to say and how to say it repeatedly. Since July, my whole world has made more sense and been tipsy-turvy turned upside-down. 

Chronic pain is no joke.  I have dealt with headaches and extreme motion sickness since I was a child, back and neck pain since middle school, my hair turning grey in high school, and a handful of other strange symptoms.  No one ever wanted to put them together or even attempted. 

In high school and early college years, I went to a handful of neurologists due to headaches, eye issues, and nausea issues, and their answers were either I was making things up, or my symptoms were too strange to make sense of.  I willingly gave up and decided for years I was misunderstanding what was happening in my body.  

Everyone’s head must hurt; they just don’t complain about it.  Everyone must walk around nauseous and just not say anything.  Everyone hears their heartbeat and whooshing in their ears when they lay their head on the pillow.  

But then Covid.  COVID altered my symptoms to where I was no longer surviving anymore.  The pain days far outweighed the non-pain days.  The headaches never went away.  I began to get sensory overload very quickly, and my ability to function became limited. 

I began to see every doctor possible to stop the pain.  Hip pain revealed a CAM impingement in my joint.  Kidney stones that were overwhelming both my kidneys, knee pain that revealed arthritis. Somehow these pain issues had a reason and it gave me the courage to start asking why my head and neck were hurting, too. 

Most providers did not want to do anything but give me more or different meds for the headaches. They reduced the headaches I told them I was having because that sounded too much.  I kept asking, kept fighting, and getting on the waitlist to see the best.  Funny, it is never who they say it the best that helps. It is the person who is patient-focused, the one who listens, who is willing to search and help find the answers. 

I will pause here to shout out my brother and advocate for as long as I can imagine when it comes to my physical issues. He never doubted me. Treated me. Advised me. Encouraged me and helped me to live the life I have been able to for so long. But insurance was not always our friend, my mind was not always in the right place, and my fight was not always in it. 

I decided to continue to reach out to find out why the inflammation was getting worse, so when I went in for a knee appointment, I made a headache appointment at the orthopedic clinic.  Othro listened.  He x-rayed my neck and found a reasonable cause for an MRI. He doubled down and added the brain to the neck MRI.  

When it came back, it changed my life. 

Walking into the office to hear about the scans, I was sure it would be nothing or everything.  Hot or Cold, there is no in-between. 

He read my neck scan and shared I had four herniated discs and mild to moderate stenosis. My spinal cord was getting pushed around and, for sure, a  leading factor in my lower head and neck pain. Genetic played a huge part and for that my brother and I could see clearly family history in the situation.

Then Ortho read the brain scan and shared I had issues with my sinus cavities and a mass found in my brain. 

I remember thinking, what does he mean by a mass. Tumor, cyst, cancer, no cancerous. Immediately, I knew it was something that I had had for years.  Immediately I knew it was the reason for my ongoing, chaos causing migraines. He informed me he was putting in a referral to a neurosurgeon. He referred me to the fantastic Chiropractor (in which my brother could treat me specifically) for neck issues. Then he asked if I was okay.  Did I need a ride home?  How was I feeling?  He cheered with me that there were once again answers.  That the search no one else wanted to take the time to do produced results.  

I knew it was a good thing.  I knew God had this.  I knew the peace I was feeling was the Holy Spirit.  I knew I was a little scared to tell Bobby.  I was terrified to share with our boys (and we still haven’t as I am typing this). I sat in the truck awestruck. I called Bobby.  I swear he knew that call was coming.  He was steady and scared, too.  He was my rock and had all the empathy. Then I drove home. I walked in and greeted the boys as if there was nothing wrong.  But they could see something.  I walked over to Mom's house and they followed.  They could feel it.  She shooed them away to swim, and I cried at her table.  It was the first time tears spilled, and they would not again for almost six more weeks. 

The fight had begun. 

I called my brother and sent him the MRI reports.  We began neck therapy immediately. 

Then we waited… waited for the referrals and the appointments to be approved.