Clary Love

​ My chest is heavy, but my heart is full of knowing that today would've been your 51st wedding anniversary.  It is your 51st wedding anniversary, an anniversary that you were celebrating alone for the second year in a row.  The life you built and the love that you maintained through hard times, and good times are evident in the lives of your children, your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren. However, those who have been affected by the two of you and your choice to love and to be committed far surpass my own understanding.  Mom, I want to say I'm sorry he's not here to celebrate with you. I want to say I'm sorry we're not having a huge bash in honor of the two of you. I want to say I'm sorry there's no party with dancing, photos, music, and décor that you picked out specifically for the event.  I want to say I'm sorry that our family is not gathering today. I do not understand what you were going through, what you've gone through, or how yo...

 I have yet to post much lately.  Honestly, it is because I am not sure what to say or think, or if I say it aloud, then maybe it is real.  Again, the uncertainty has paralyzed me.  In January I felt pretty amazing.  Around eight weeks out, when I should have originally returned to work, I understood why they told you to wait till 8 weeks for your recovery.  My mind was growing clearer, my wound was starting to not hurt nearly as bad, and I felt an energy I had not experienced in so long.  It was fantastic.  I was productive at work, able to process and plan in ways I had forgotten I could do.  Then February came.  I am not sure if it was the incidental accident of me hitting my head early in the month or if it would have happened anyway but pain became the thing that consumed me for the entire month. A new kind of pain, bone pain, nerve pain, and maybe a pain I still am not sure how to describe.  I could not lay on my head again, a...