Heartbroken/ devastated

We have held our breath, spoken quietly, not celebrated, not allowed ourselves to believe. We allowed little spots of joy but not too much. We quietly prepared for both ends, praying desperately for one over the other.

No one died, no one is sick, but in this matter our hearts are broken. God is still good, our flesh is weakly trying to remember to trust His ways are wiser than our own.

Saturday was the day all the stress was to be over. The condo, Bobby and my first home together, would be sold on the 15th. We first put it up for sale Jan 2011 after finding out we were pregnant with our first child. Since we have brought both our boys home to the condo. It was a great home for us for a moment but not with a growing family. The space closed in on us, we wanted country, land, space and no where in the city would supply that to our hearts desire. We wanted out.

The last obstacle to a possible rejection was to be on Saturday. We heard nothing, our joy started to show. We borrowed a truck and cleared our furniture and staging things. Monday we checked on the time of closing and location, we called the electric and gas companies and told them the stop service date. We were finally allowing ourselves to feel joy, to get excited.  What we heard back from our realitor that night is leaving us in awe. The first call was the buyers house they were selling was having issues, closing might have to be pushed back. We started putting our walls back up, fear was the first bricks. Then as we laid in bed a second call, the buyer wanted to back out, papers would be sent in the morning. Tears leaked out of my eyes in the darkness, my chest hurt, my voice broke. I could no longer hide the pain, fear, devastation I was feeling, the feelings I knew Bobby was feeling.

After so much, so long the dream come true turned into the living nightmare.
Tuesday we gained a little hope in thinking we could intice her to still buy, or force her to keep contract. But on Wednesday at 5pm just one day away from our planned closing our contract fell through.

We can't stay where we are, we can't move forward, we don't want to move back.  The plan we originally had is our only solution but no one likes it. It is the financial right choice but not the choice we want. It will not help it sell, it will not help the stress, it will help us pay the bills. Defeat looms at my heart but the Spirit softely speaks He is still here.

God, please speak loud. Break our heart's to your direction and will. Move a buyer to come find our condo. Let them be of sound mind and stable pocket.

Pray for us. We need it now more than ever.

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