Clary Love

​ How can I remember the night before my first child was born and the day he was born in specific detail, but so many other days have just floated away?  Becoming a mother changed me.  Raising a son changed me.  And those two things feel as of they are written in my bones for eternity.  I have begun to deepen my understanding of God’s love to a new extent with the birth of a baby boy and watching him grow.  I have glimpsed at how deep my parents' love toward me is because of my children.  I see my faith clearer. Morals stronger.  Friendship is fiercer.  Family is more valued.  In the last eleven years and nine months, I have become a better person. I pray it continues.  Before having children, birthdays were about the person whose birth it was to celebrate.  Now, I would say birthdays should be for the mother, the father, the guardian, or the parent, for it is them whose year is shifted each year with the passing of age and seasons....

Six months later, Happy birthday and the worst anniversary ever to celebrate. Six months of insanity and confusion have ensued. You have missed mom's 70th birthday that you were so excited to plan and both your sons' birthdays.  You have missed your 49th wedding anniversary. You have missed three of your grandkids' birthdays and soon the other three.  You have missed watching Chloe grow in motherhood through pregnancy.  You missed job acceptances, changes, and so many challenging conversations you were needed for with all the solicited and unsolicited advice. Your absence has caused confusion, pain, sadness, strange relief, joy, fear, and all emotions.  Your grandkids have changed so much in six months, more than any other year—height, weight, courage, education, intellect, family, athlete, and faith.  Relationships are challenged, strengthened, bonded, divided, paralyzed, and still in limbo in the wake of your death.  The pool has been crazy, the weather i...

I have been emotional all day. Frustrated and irritable and unsure of the reason.  Today was the day all the clothes were cleaned and bags packed and lots of conversation about being brave and having fun doing new things.  To all who know me when I was younger, to all who met me as a camp professional... I am wrecked! The parent side is hard, harder than I ever imagined.  My oldest is going to kids camp, church camp, elementary faith camp and I can't deal.  Nothing can prepare you for this. I was not the momma who stressed with daycare or going to work, sending my boys to school, or a night with grandparents but a week away is a lot!! I am emotional, feeling unprepared, and altogether odd.  I have seen it all as a camp professional-  good kids, bullies, hard life's, privilege, lonely, blessed, scared, awakening, wrecked, changed, saved, dark, light, the extreme extroverts, introverts, homesick, and never met a situation that was off kid.  But, but, but...

So I got tgis fun new app called Influenster. You review products or check the review of products you may be interested in. You can also do quick snaps or surveys and tell them what you think. I received a box in the mail containing Maybelline #vividmatte lip color. Two shades. They were fun to try. The whole thing was to try new proctuct snd review on it. No money, no attachments just review the product and report on it. My review...they were just okay. Didn't stay on long, didn't dry fast, which is why I think it came off fast. The colors were nice nude and rebel red. So that is my thought. Try the app, fun to use and better than facebook. Lol

Today I had a terrible hour. The worst possibly as a mom. It started out with all the great possibilities,  then crashed without even a warning. Today, I prepared both boys to go to town, shop at Walmart and Sams, we were going to stop at part to break up shopping time and maybe, just maybe chick-fil-a! Boys got dressed easily, ate good breakfast, got in car with only having one pair of shoes to change cause E jumped in water puddle. It was a good start.  Then, mom texted and asked if B could play with cousins! What? He of couse chose cousins over park and my new plan was a quick in and out of shopping with E. On way to town, he fell asleep. I waited easily in parking lot as I sat in silence and played on my phone. He woke and we proceeded into wm. All was going good. In and out of cart, walking, talking, picking out toy to play with. Then it happens. This child changes....I can't describe it but he morphs into something else.  He gets angered easily,  runs, has su...

Thank you Park Mom! Thank you got sitting on the bench. Thank you for allowing the kids to play, untethered from you. Thank you for not barking orders on how to play on slide, going up or down. Thank you for sending your kids back to play as they try and tattle. Thank you for not freaking out when my 21 month old hits your 4 year old. Thank you got knowing kids are kids. Thank you for taking time for yourself as they play. Thank you for wearing your yoga pants, thst have never been to yoga,  to the park too. No fancy dress up here. Thank you for being real. Today, you make me smile. Today, I did not feel alone. Today, I knew my laid back parenting style is not isolated to my kids. Titus 2:4 NLT These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children

Do you ever feel like you are just not sure what to do? Like what I give is not enough? Like what I desire is too selfish? Like my job is too insignificant?  With all the craziness going on in the world, I do not want to be lukewarm. I don't want to be stuck in a comfortable rut that is not making a difference. If Christ came back tomorrow would I be seen by the Lord as someone serving him or just a follower, not a leader/disciple? My current job keeps me in on my toes. I know it is one of those jobs that Christ designed for me. But is simply teaching my kids to know, love and serve God enough or should I be doing more? Is serving my husband with love, food, comfort and friendship of marriage really honorable to the maker of my soul? Should I use my time to stand up more on social media to the blatant sin some find casual?  Should I post bible verses? Should I judge less and love more graciously? I don't know the answers. But for today, I will seek Him more than I did...